Missing You
by Marauder01
Summary: For Sharon's Moments of Rapture Fall Contest. Heero left on a mission weeks ago, and still hasn't returned. Duo convinces himself that Heero is not coming back. Besides, Duo's not missing him at all. A Christmas fic.


Title: Missing You  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, nor do I own the characters. Unfortunately. Pairings: 1x2, 3x4  
  
Warnings, and notes: Yaoi! Please don't read if you don't like it. It saves us all a lot of trouble. I wrote this for Sharon's Moments of Rapture Fall 2003 Contest. Some of the dialogue was inspired by the song 'Missing You', by John Waite.  
  
Archive: Take it, and I'll be your best friend forever.  
  
Feedback: I adore reviews! Please don't hesitate, and anonymous reviews are just fine.  
  
**  
  
Duo switched off the radio with a sigh. Yawning widely, he scrunched up his nose in disgust. 6:00 am. He never got up this early. Not alone, anyway. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, throwing the sheets back. He shivered. Who ever it was that decided to start work so early deserved to be shot. And he had a mind to do the job himself.  
  
A deep scowl on his face, Duo ran his fingers through his long hair, brushing it out of his violet eyes. Throwing a glance out of the small window, he groaned. It was raining.  
  
Again.  
  
Duo pulled the covers back over his head. It had been raining for weeks. Not a pouring rain, not even storms. Just a light drizzle. Not that it made much of a difference. No matter how the rain fell, it still felt the same to him.  
  
He shivered. The apartment was freezing. The heating system failed last week, and things had just gone down hill from there. When he bought the apartment, the landlord had assured him that nothing would happen. Duo wished he could make him eat those words. It hadn't nearly been so bad a month ago. Even with the heat on, the large rooms were still icy. But he could wake up every morning, warm, and with someone next to him.  
  
Now, he wondered if he would always be alone.  
  
His bedroom felt so empty now that he was gone. Duo's clothes were scattered about the room; white shirts draped over chairs, a used sock pile in the corner, and an excessively large sweater on the floor next to the bed. Duo wasn't used to having to fold his clothes, he always took care of it for Duo. The perfect soldier could never stand seeing their room unorganized. Duo figured it had something to do with so many years in training with spartan quarters. He sighed.  
  
Heero.  
  
He had left on a mission, about a month ago. Duo had been so sure of him, so sure that he'd never fight again. Of course, the Preventers had tried to recruit both Heero and himself, but Duo had always refused. Duo felt that he had too much blood on his hands as it was. So, Duo Maxwell, the God of Death, had taken an office job.  
  
Heero had been the same way. The Wing Zero pilot had been tired. Tired of fighting, tired of killing. Hell, they were only sixteen at the time, though Duo felt old. That feeling scared him. As soon as the Maremaia incident was behind him, he had returned to the colonies. They certainly were not the same colonies Duo fought for, nor the one's he left years ago. The streets were devoid of war orphans, no one stood outside with guns, and he hadn't seen a mobile suit since he had arrived.  
  
It was a strange feeling, coming home to a foreign world. He recognized the streets, the houses, but he didn't know them anymore. It had been too long, and too many things had changed. He had changed.  
  
The next day, he snuck aboard a shuttle back to Earth. He found that it wasn't worth trying to stay there. The colonies had abandoned Duo Maxwell, and there was no way in hell he'd go through that again. Besides, something, or maybe it was someone, kept pulling him back to the Earth. Not like he had any other ideas, anyway.  
  
He ended up buying this small apartment, built almost in the old Japanese style. The moment he stepped inside he knew he had found the perfect place. It reminded him sharply of Heero, and the feeling stayed. So it had been no surprise to him that a few weeks later, the hero himself had arrived on his doorstep, soaked through.  
  
They'd been living together ever since. Heero was a broken soldier, he didn't know what to do with himself, and Duo had tried his best to help his friend. Of course, Duo thought wryly, it didn't stay that way for long. A short incident in the shower, involving a very wet kiss, and the two started sharing Duo's large bed.  
  
Duo shrugged his jacket on, running his rough hands through his hair again. He was going to be late for work.  
  
And, besides, I'm not missing him at all.  
  
**  
  
The cold raindrops fell with a steady rhythm as he walked dejectedly down the crowded streets. The sky was still dark, and Duo wrapped his jacket around him. The temperature had dropped considerably since yesterday, though it still was not cold enough to snow. Not quite yet anyway.  
  
This did not stop people from declaring a white Christmas this year, even with the holiday still two days away. Duo ignored much of this chaos. It wasn't worth getting excited about. Soon it would be over, and everyone would be back their normal lives again, with nothing to look foreword to. It was the same thing that happened every year, although Duo refused to admit there was a small part of him that wanted to be happy. Even if just for one day.  
  
He kicked at a rock, sending it flying into the street. This Christmas he wouldn't be fighting. He was finally starting to live a normal life, to become human again. He should be cheerful, content, something other than depressed. But he wasn't. He may have hated fighting, but at least he hadn't been alone.  
  
Pulling open the glass doors, Duo slipped inside the Preventer headquarters. He shook his soaked jacket vigorously, and ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to dry it. His impassive expression turned into a scowl as he glanced around the building. Someone (and Duo had a pretty good feeling that this someone's name started with a Q) had taken it upon themselves to decorate the office with lights, bows, and Christmas trees.  
  
"Good morning, Duo!"  
  
He looked over to meet a smiling blonde, his green eyes sparkling. Duo returned the smile. "Morning, Quatre. Nice decorations."  
  
Quatre sighed, a content smile on his lips. "Took me and Trowa all last night to get them up. He's had quite enough of the "holiday spirit" now, I think." He winked at Duo and cast a loving glance behind him. The emotionless Trowa had a deep scowl, and blew at the cotton ball dangling in his face. Duo raised his eyebrows, impressed.  
  
"You got a Santa hat on Trowa?"  
  
Quatre's grin widened. "Not without a lot of persuasion." Duo smiled back, but felt his heart sinking fast. These two had been in together since the war, and it was obvious that they really did care for each other. Trowa put up with Quatre's oddities and childishness at times, and Quatre helped break down Trowa's barriers. They were in love, and happy.  
  
The way Duo should feel.  
  
Doing his best to squash these emotions, Duo walked over to the elevators. He waved behind him. "Don't have too much fun!" Duo bit down on his lip hard, forcing the sob in his throat to vanish. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes, and blinking a few times, he waved again as the elevator doors closed.  
  
He didn't miss the look of concern and sadness in his friend's eyes.  
  
**  
  
His fingers drummed on the desk. Duo had been staring at the same document for the past hour, his thoughts elsewhere. The words danced on the paper, not forming coherent sentences. He was thinking about the same thing he always thought about.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
He jumped, dropping the papers and nearly falling out of his chair. Looking up with wide eyes, he saw a concerned looking Quatre holding a mug of coffee. Duo grinned sheepishly, and accepted it. "Thanks."  
  
"No problem."  
  
Duo turned back to his desk, but could still feel Quatre's eyes on him. He played idly with a pencil, biding his time before he would have to answer questions. Taking a sip of bitter coffee, he gazed at the pictures on his desk. "Duo, have you heard anything...." Quatre began, hesitantly.  
  
"Nope." Duo clenched his fists, not trusting himself to say anything else. He could feel that familiar pang in his chest and wished it would go away. Why couldn't they understand? He was just...lonely, that's all.  
  
Quatre sighed. "You've been staring at that picture for five minutes. Don't try to tell me you don't miss him."  
  
Duo blinked, ashamed to realize that he had been. He reached over and picked up the picture frame. Trowa had taken it, a few months ago, at Duo's birthday party. Duo was sprawled out of the couch lying next to a smiling Heero. Heero never smiled. But in this picture he had his fingers entwined with Duo's, not looking at the camera, but undoubtedly smiling.  
  
Duo swallowed hard, but waved the comment aside. "Just dozing off, as usual."  
  
The other boy snorted. Duo turned to look at him. Quatre rested his hand on Duo's shoulder and whispered into his ear, "You may run and hide, but you can still tell a lie."  
  
Duo's eyes widened as Quatre walked out of his office, leaving him with his cold cup of coffee.  
  
**  
  
He pushed past the crowds, trying to make it back to his apartment before he froze. Duo shivered again. It hadn't stopped raining, only now it was a heavy downpour. Cars sped past, splashing the paved sidewalks, but he figured he couldn't get any worse than he already was. Brushing a few wet bangs out of his eyes, he swallowed the lump growing in his throat.  
  
"-Heero.."  
  
Duo spun around, looking through the crowd wildly. People walked past him, not even bothering to notice the flicker of hope in his eyes. The Christmas lights shone brightly even through the wall of rain, and soft music played all around him. Duo felt the dagger slip a few more inches in his heart. He was imaging it. He hadn't heard that name.  
  
A strong gust of cold wind sent rain into Duo's face and he turned his back to it. He wiped his face off with the back of his hand, unsure if he was mopping up raindrops or his tears.  
  
**  
  
Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. Last year he was in Deathsythe, trying not to get himself killed. Same with the year before that. He stared up at the familiar ceiling. Letting out a deep breath, Duo pulled the covers closer, trying to stay warm. It wasn't working. He was frozen, inside and out. And it hurt. He'd been in pain before; he'd felt bullets pierce his skin, felt bones break when he was careless.  
  
But this kind of pain, this was new. It was an ache, something that wouldn't go away and got worse every minute. A missing piece that he hadn't really known was there.  
  
He had always believed he would be alone. But, after he started living with Heero, it felt complete. He felt like a normal person, not a 17-year-old murderer.  
  
Duo hadn't always thought of Heero as anything more than a friend. He was busy trying to stay alive. But there was always something there, a kind of tolerance for each other. Duo hated Heero's silences, his monotone voice. Heero hated Duo's carelessness, his loud voice. But they got used to each other.  
  
When Heero had showed up at his door, Duo hadn't been happier. It was just like the old times. They'd go to work together, watch movies till early into the morning, and torture each other with horrible cooking. Heero was still Heero, of course, but Duo didn't mind. He'd go along with just about anything Duo came up with, never saying much, but he didn't complain either.  
  
Heero liked to be by himself a lot. He'd sit by the window, enjoying the view. Just living. Sometimes Duo joined him, forcing himself to stay quiet, but most of the time Duo just watched. At that point, he started feeling more for the Wing pilot. One time, Heero had caught him spying, and the two boys had just stood there. Heero looked back at Duo with the same intensity, and then moved over to make room for Duo. Both pilots sat next to each other for what seemed like hours. Not doing anything important, just existing.  
  
After that, Duo felt more comfortable around Heero. He even surprised himself by finding excuses to be closer to Heero. While they watched movies, Duo would sit closer to him then he needed to, even going as far as to share a blanket. And Heero hadn't minded at all. He managed to do the same thing. Duo had very fond memories of one occasion where they had fallen asleep together on the couch, neither of them minding much when they woke up entangled in a pile of limbs.  
  
Duo glanced over to the empty side of the bed and sighed. Whatever it was between them, friendship, lust or love, it hadn't been enough to take away Heero's past.  
  
Closing his eyes, Duo tried to fall asleep with an unbearable weight on his chest.  
  
**  
  
"Mr. Maxwell. It's Christmas Eve. Go home."  
  
Duo looked up to see Quatre and Trowa standing in the doorway. The blonde had his arms folded, and looked sternly at Duo. Trowa had gotten rid of his hat, and his green eyes held concern.  
  
"It's 8:00, Duo. You really don't have to stay here any longer."  
  
Duo's eyes flickered towards the clock, and he sighed deeply. "I know. I just got too caught up with work."  
  
Quatre raised his eyebrows, and exchanged a look with Trowa. Duo braced himself. He'd been invited to their little Christmas party, but had politely declined. He usually never said no to a party, but he wasn't in the mood. Trowa and Quatre hadn't said anything, but he figured they knew he'd rather stay at home. Telling him if he changed his mind he was welcome, they let the subject drop.  
  
Handing Duo two wrapped boxes, Trowa gave him a sad smile. Duo frowned, feeling a bit guilty that he hadn't even bothered to get presents for them. Quatre shook his head and smiled. "We didn't expect anything. Thought you might like them though."  
  
Duo nodded. "Thanks." He smiled, and set the gifts down on his desk. Quatre wished him a merry Christmas, and slipped out of his office, but Trowa stayed behind. He leaned closer to Duo and whispered in to his ear.  
  
"You've already saved the world at Christmas twice. Enjoy yours, for once."  
  
Blinking, Duo watched as Trowa smiled and walked out the door. It shut quietly, and Duo stared in silence at the presents on his desk. Him? Enjoy Christmas, alone?  
  
He stood up, grabbing his jacket and slipped the presents into a pocket. Anywhere was better than here, he thought gloomily.  
  
**  
  
Turning the key, Duo pushed the door open and stepped into his apartment. Shaking off the rain, Duo closed the door behind and leaned his head against it. His eyes closed, and he had to bite down on his lip to stop the tears.  
  
Shrugging off his jacket, he didn't even bother to pick it up. He just left it on the floor, as he always did. No one was there to tell him otherwise. Tell him he was a fool.  
  
Duo walked into the kitchen, and dug through his cupboards. He could easily be living more luxuriously than he was; Quatre had offered him numerous times to help out, but Duo had always refused. It wasn't him. He learned to scavenge, and didn't really think he could live otherwise. With a grim smile of satisfaction, he pulled out a small pot. He filled it with water, and set it on the stove.  
  
Sinking into an uncomfortable chair (he had to move the pile of clothes first), Duo pulled the small packages out of his pocket. Simple. Quatre and Trowa hadn't gone overboard, which pleased him. He did not like charity, and he was glad those two accepted it. Carefully pulling the ribbons off of one, he slid the box open.  
  
A little card fell into his lap, and he picked it up with surprise. His brows furrowed. "I thought you might want this. Merry Christmas, Duo. Your friend, Quatre." He looked cautiously at the box, and his eyes widened. A picture. Of Heero. It must have been taken during the war, because the pilot wore his famous green tank top and spandex shorts. The boy looked away from the camera, but his features were still visible. He was working on Wing Zero, a peaceful smile on his face. Duo's chest tightened.  
  
Dropping the picture, he stared at the other gift. His hands shook as he opened it, another note mixed in with the ribbon. "Merry Christmas. –Trowa." Lifting the lid and holding his breath, Duo stared and choked on a sob. Another picture, but this time he was in the picture as well. Duo couldn't quite place when it had been taken, but it showed the two of them gazing into each other's eyes. Prussian and violet eyes sparkled, and Duo noticed that the love in his eyes was reflected in Heero's.  
  
Duo shut his eyes, trying in vain to keep the tears from slipping out. The picture slid from his hand, and he clenched his shaking fists. I can lie to myself.  
  
**  
  
He gazed out the window, coffee mug in hand. He was deep in thought. It was nearly midnight, but he had no desire to sleep. Resting his head on the window seal, he watched as the rain poured down. His coffee had long since gone cold, but he didn't really care. The gifts had been put away, no longer in his view.  
  
Duo sighed. If this wasn't a depressing scene, he didn't know what was. Pulling his sweater closer around him, he turned his gaze away from the window.  
  
He briefly allowed his thoughts to dwell on Heero again. Maybe Duo had let his guard down too far. Perhaps he had scared Heero off. He had tried so hard to keep his feelings in check; to make sure Heero hadn't known how much he really cared. But Duo learned that it was the hardest thing in the world to pretend you're not in love.  
  
Duo slumped against the window. What happened to him? He used to never trust anyone more than he had to. And now he knew why. If he let down his barriers far enough, he'd be completely helpless when someone came along and stole his heart. And that was exactly what happened. Duo had let Heero in, and Heero had taken his heart and fled.  
  
Rubbing furiously at his eyes, Duo forced it out of his mind. No use thinking about it, not like Heero was coming back. The soldier had disappeared one morning, no note. Not that Duo had expected to him to leave one. Duo had only discovered a week later from Lady Une that Heero was on a mission. As if Duo cared.  
  
But as he glanced over at the door, his eyes widened. He gripped the coffee mug tighter, trying not to drop. Unruly brown hair and Prussian blue eyes stared back at him. Blinking once to make sure he wasn't seeing things, Duo's mouth gaped.  
  
"Duo."  
  
Duo swallowed hard, but couldn't tear his eyes away from the boy. He looked the same as ever, but the cold look in his eyes was gone. Duo opened his mouth to reply, to say anything, but Heero cut him off.  
  
"Let me talk, please."  
  
His eyes pleaded with Duo, and Duo nodded, not trusting himself to anything else.  
  
"I have no right to come back here, after what I've done, but I have learned something. When they asked to go fight, I...forgot."  
  
Duo's jaw dropped. Blinking, he looked up at Heero, bewildered. "You forgot?" he managed, the words choked out.  
  
A slight blush appeared on Heero's cheeks. Running a hand through his hair, Heero looked at Duo, his eyes serious.  
  
"I've always had something to die for. I forgot that I had something to live for."  
  
Duo stared his heart swelling in his throat. He found that even if he wanted to say something, he would not have been able to. The corner of his lips curved into a smile.  
  
Heero swallowed, and walked nervously to the window. About a foot away from Duo, he stopped, breathing hard. Duo's heart beat fast and he had to clench his fist to stop from shaking. Licking his lips uneasily, he realized he still grasped the coffee cup in his hand. Heero leaned over, but froze with his face a few inches from Duo's. His Prussian eyes searched Duo's face desperately for some sign of hesitation, but found none. Heart beat echoing in his ears, Duo leaned foreword and closed the distance, pressing his lips against Heero's.  
  
He closed his eyes as Heero's hand reached up to the side of his face. His skin burned at the touch and his breath caught in his throat. Heero opened his mouth slightly, just enough for Duo to slip his tongue into and reach his empty hand to Heero's neck, pulling the boy closer.  
  
Breaking away for air, Heero rested his forehead on Duo's, a smile touching his lips. Duo set down his mug, and entwined Heero's fingers in his own.  
  
"You're. ...going to stay?"  
  
Heero nodded slightly. Duo couldn't hold back a wide grin.  
  
"Merry Christmas, Duo."  
  
**  
  
Thank you for reading! Please, leave a review! *points to the button on the left* It means a lot to me! -Marauder 


End file.
